Kenneth Barish wants grandparents back at the center of family life. The Clinical Professor of Psychology at Weill Cornell Medicine says the loss of extended family and community support has helped drive a prolonged crisis in child and adolescent mental health, and he argues that grandparents can still give children something many homes no longer have: patient attention, encouragement and a steady listener.
That argument lands at a moment when more than 40% of American teenagers report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. In his new book, The Art and Science of Parenting and Grandparenting, Barish says children have always needed grandparents, and that they need adults who can help them feel less alone, show them how problems can be solved and remind them that bad feelings do not last forever.
Barish says the country has become a society of “I, not We,” and that intense pressure for achievement has fed high rates of anxiety, depression and substance abuse in affluent communities. He says the cost of that shift is not just emotional; it is cultural, because children learn from the adults around them whether life is about performance or connection. His advice is practical and ordinary. He recommends that families volunteer together and begin frequent conversations early about kindness and about understanding other people’s needs and feelings.
Those conversations matter, he says, because they shape children’s sense of purpose as much as homework and discipline do. He argues that helping others promotes a better balance in children’s emotional lives, and he describes grandparents as a support to parents as well as to children. In his telling, the best gift an older relative can offer is not praise, but a moment of calm listening that strengthens what he calls children’s emotional immune systems.
That emphasis reflects a long-running pattern in his clinical work: the most common problem he sees is unintentional criticism, not over-praising children. Barish’s point is that young people do not need adults to flatter them into confidence. They need adults who are careful with their words, who notice what a child is feeling and who make room for repair when things go wrong.
The broader case he makes is backed by a wider body of research on helping others. He points to work reviewed by psychologist Jane Piliavin that linked helping behavior to better self-esteem, less depression, lower dropout rates, better immune function and longer life. The idea is not that grandparents can solve a national crisis on their own. It is that in families stretched thin by work, pressure and isolation, even a few reliable moments of listening can matter more than a perfect parenting script.
Barish does not present a policy fix or a deadline. He presents a warning and a prescription: if children are growing up with fewer people who know how to steady them, the simplest remedy may be the oldest one. Grandparents and other extended family members, he says, can still give children the sense that someone will listen, understand and stay close enough to help them through the bad parts.
