Green Party Policies spark fierce satire and bold manifesto claims

A recent headline and a satirical dispatch have put green party policies squarely in the spotlight, after a quoted manifesto pledge to build 150, 000 social homes a year and reach net-zero by 2040 prompted sharp reactions.

Green Party Policies in the manifesto

The question posed by one prominent headline — "What policies are in the Green Party’s manifesto?" — sits beside a longer satirical take that described the Greens as "monsters currently threatening the country" who "want to sadistically improve your quality of life. " That satirical piece also stated that the party’s manifesto is "based on sustainable living. "

Satire framed the party as intent on improving living standards

The satirical dispatch opened with a line that read: "We're temporarily off Facebook while we explain irony to a f**king algorithm. " It went on to say the Greens, after ousting Labour from "their bastion of Gorton and Denton, " aim to meet constituents' needs and to "improve the environment. "

Political analyst Denys Finch Hatton was quoted in the piece: "They want to look after the most vulnerable members of society and improve the environment. It's absolutely sickening. " The same passage added a mocking suggestion that "fossil fuel billionaires" would be "brutally crushed under their vegan leather jackboots, " and that the Greens seemed content to leave those "poor, innocent souls to perish. "

Targets named: 150, 000 homes and net-zero by 2040

MP for Gorton and Denton Hannah Spencer was quoted directly: "We want to build 150, 000 social homes a year and achieve net-zero by 2040! And there's nothing you can do to stop us!" The satirical piece used that pledge as a rallying point for its critique of the party.

The satire also argued that if the Greens have their "cruel way" then "the planet will never become an inhospitable rock and our children will have to grow up without microplastics in their bloodstreams. " It urged the public to "band together and vote strategically from here on out, " saying that is "the only way to ensure that the country becomes even more hostile and divided, which is what all true patriots should want. "

What readers noticed beyond the manifesto

Alongside the political mockery, the publication included an unrelated human-interest item about a man feeling nostalgic for his twenties. The piece named 43-year-old Tom Booker and quoted him describing his twenties as a time of "existential dread, financial anxiety and relationship turmoil" that he nonetheless now remembers fondly.

Tom Booker said: "At the time I was impatiently waiting for everything to fall into place so I could feel like a real adult. God I wish I could go back to those glory days. My job was terrible. My prospects were even worse. And I was already lagging far behind my friends when it came to falling in love and buying a house. But compared to now, where things are broadly the same, at least I had hope for the future. " He added: "My twenties really weren't as terrible as I thought they were. My legs didn't ache every time I stood up, and my hairline was still on point. Pair that with a complete lack of responsibility and you can see why I miss them so much. So what if every day was a battle with my low self-esteem and terrible circumstances? Those are nitpicks. If I zoom way, way out, and only focus on the handful of good memories from that time, they look much better. "

Booker's friend Martin Bishop commented on the present-day outlook: "Give it 20 years and Tom will be all wistful about his current situation. Which is ridiculous because his life is utter shit. "

Coverage of green party policies in these pieces mixes a direct manifesto quotation — the 150, 000 homes and net-zero by 2040 line — with satire that mocks both the party and the political response to its platform. It is unclear in the provided context what the next official rollout or public event tied to the manifesto will be.