Andrew McCarthy Explores Why Midlife Men Struggle with Friendships
Andrew McCarthy says a casual remark from his then-20-year-old son set off a major personal project. The son asked if McCarthy had any real friends. The comment prompted a long search for answers.
What sparked the journey
The exchange happened a few years ago. McCarthy said the remark made him feel exposed. He realized he had let friendships lapse amid work and family life.
He reached out to an old friend near Baltimore. He rented a car and drove to see him. The friend was isolated by severe back problems and surrounded by packages.
The road trip
That visit became the start of a 10,000-mile trek across America. McCarthy traveled through 22 states. He visited old pals and talked to strangers about their friendships.
He documented the trip in a new book. The title is Who Needs Friends: An Unscientific Examination of Male Friendship Across America. The book is due out March 24.
Conversations that stayed with him
McCarthy described an encounter with two retired police officers in Ohio. He met them at an Arby’s connected to a gas station. They expressed deep affection for one another, saying they told each other “I love you.”
He found that openness striking. The officers’ willingness to show tenderness challenged his assumptions about male intimacy.
Hollywood and beyond
McCarthy rose to fame in the 1980s as a member of the Brat Pack. His film credits include Pretty in Pink and St. Elmo’s Fire. He said most of his closest friendships exist outside the industry.
He noted that work relationships often dissolve when a job ends. Longstanding ties, he believes, require sustained attention.
Reflections on male friendship
McCarthy talked about cultural shifts that shaped men’s bonds. He contrasted intimate friendships in the 19th century with later stoic ideals. He cited historical examples of affectionate letters between men.
He argued that many men equate vulnerability with weakness. That belief, he said, makes emotional honesty difficult. He also pointed to gender differences, saying women often prioritize sustaining friendships.
The book and his approach
McCarthy said the project required personal candor. He acknowledged he had not always been a reliable friend. He wrote in hopes readers would recognize themselves.
He married Dolores Rice in 2011. He is 63 years old. His road trip and interviews form the core of the book.
- Prompt: son’s question about friendships
- Action: drove to Baltimore friend, then a 10,000-mile, 22-state trip
- Findings: unexpected openness from strangers and old friends
- Book: Who Needs Friends, out March 24
For readers seeking context, Andrew McCarthy Explores Why Midlife Men Struggle with Friendships through personal stories and national conversations. His journey aims to start more honest talk about male bonds.
